Pulse
by nikiverse
Summary: A quick Beth, Rick romance. Very May-December but in the zombie apocalypse, that's the least of Rick's problems. I thought this would be shorter (like 3 chapters) but it's looking like 10 ...
1. Chapter 1

_Maggie, Glenn, Carl, and Daryl have gone on a supplies run. Rick, Hershel, and Carol are outside on walker watch. _

_If anyone cares, lyrics are from a Jewel song. _

**Pulse**

Rick wipes the sweat from his brow and then scans the horizon for walkers. Nothing. Nothing, but the smell of rotting flesh and the sound of mosquitoes buzzing. He looks to his left and sees Hershel and Carol sitting in chairs talking.

Rick loudly whistles to get Hershel's attention. When Hershel glances over, Rick makes a drinking motion with his hand, and Hershel waves him away. Rick makes the trek back to the prison, gun slung over his shoulder.

Inside the prison, Rick guzzles some water and lays down his gun. He wants to see Baby Judith. As he walks to the cells, he hears Beth singing a lullaby.

No one in today's time sings, really. It's a rare treat to hear. Plus, Beth aint a half bad singer. She is also the unique age where she's old enough to remember life before the walkers, but is still young enough to crave and expect a better future. Most adults are too jaded to sing; the young kids like Carl don't know what songs to sing because they've never heard them.

_And when you cry  
_

_I'll be there, baby, telling you  
_

_You were never nothing less than beautiful  
_

_So don't you worry  
_

_I'm your angel standing by_

Rick silently walks a little closer and can see over Beth's shoulder that Judith is asleep. The sun is peeking through the windows. Rick's eyes blur the scene and all he sees is a silhouette of mother and child.

_Beth cradling Judith. The sun cradling Beth. _

Beth senses Rick behind her and abruptly stands up as she stops singing.

Rick breaks the silence. "Ha, you didn't have to stop." He shifts his weight. "That was real nice, Beth."

Beth smiles and says, "Thanks, Rick."

Rick looks at Judith and beckons for Beth to bring his child over. Beth obliges as she walks over to Rick and stands on the tips of her toes as she protectively hands over the child.

As he gazes into his slumbering baby, Rick tells Beth, "You know, she has no idea what a walker is."

"I'm not so sure I really understand them either," Beth says as she tries to lighten the mood.

Rick smiles. "There's not too much to understand." He turns around and lays Judith down in the makeshift cradle Hershel and Carol made. He turns back to Beth. "You know, I've been thinking a lot about the unfair position that you, Maggie, and Carol have been put in as the caretakers for Judith and—"

Beth interrupts, "Rick, stop! We all love and care for Judith and would do anything for that baby. No need to apologize."

"Yeah, but she's not your responsibility. And with Maggie and Carol always leaving now these days, it's just you and Carl. . . . I don't know Beth, I just feel like you're losing your childhood and not living life."

"Rick, what life do Carl and I have? What would we do if Judith weren't here? Carl might be into killing walkers, but that's not me. I'd probably just be in this prison staring at the walls if it weren't for Judith."

Rick presses his lips together, shakes his head, and moves his gaze to his boots.

Beth continues, "Or worse, I'd probably be dead. Have you seen me kill them? Even through the fence? It's ugly."

Rick looks back up at Beth and smiles, "Yeah, you're pretty bad."

Beth lightly laughs. She then bows her head slightly as she turns serious. "Rick, I know this will sound weird and creepy. But Judith is so dependent on us and, I don't know, it's a miracle, Rick. A miracle that we can still provide for her." Beth pauses as she slides her hair behind her ear and looks up at Rick. "She gives me hope."

Rick must have been holding his breath, because he feels the need to take a deep inhale.

Beth continues, "This world is so ugly and rough right now. It's nice to have something innocent to remind us that the world isn't all bad."

Beth's statement draws a heavy weight down on Rick's chest. _Beth_. This innocent person who reminds him the world isn't all bad. _The burden of Beth_.

As teenagers often do, Beth tries to fill the awkward silence with some even more awkward words. "Plus, she's so soft."

Rick stares into Beth's eyes as he uncrosses his arms and walks over to her. Beth stands frozen as Rick stands about as close as he ever has to her. He bends his elbow as his starts to curl his hand into a light fist. Against his better judgment, Rick lightly brushes the back of his knuckles on Beth's cheek. She closes her eyes for a second to calm herself down. As she opens her eyes back up, Rick pulls his hand away. They hold each other's gaze for a moment. Rick drops his head and turns to head back to the fields. As he grabs his rifle, the thought pervades his mind: _I shouldn't have done that_.


	2. Chapter 2

Beth sits outside reading a book she found in the prison library – _A Moveable Feast_. Beth had never been out of the country, much less to Paris. The France Hemingway describes might as well be science fiction as far as Beth is concerned. _Nothing to see there anyways. French walkers probably don't even have accents when they moan_.

Judith interrupts Beth's thoughts with a giggle. _Look at her grabbing her little toes_, Beth thinks. Judith is lying on the blanket beside Beth and rocking side to side with both feet in her hands.

Beth reclines next to Judith and squints at the sun lowering behind the trees. The temperature is actually cool and dry. Beth remembers days like this. Jimmy would have his arms wrapped around her as they made s'mores and listened to their friends' conversations around the bonfire. Beth feels blessed that she got to experience a normal, pre-walker life. She doubts tranquil sing-a-longs with marshmallows and guitars playing will crop up in her new future.

_Or anyone else's, for that matter_.

Carl and Judith immediately move to the forefront of Beth's mind. _They'll never watch a movie at a friend's house or go roller-skating._ Carl is so close to Beth's age, yet they have little in common. He will never have a chance to experience the world like Beth was able to. Beth has always felt a world with walkers is an uncommon world, but it's all Carl knows. He's become quite cold and unforgiving as a result. Beth can hardly blame him. Life has turned into a never-ending series of fight or flight responses.

Beth and Carl's greatest commonality is how they are not closely connected to anyone in the group at all. They've accidentally separated from the group for different reasons. Carl has distanced himself from father, while Beth spends her time parenting Judith. And now that Maggie has found Glenn, Beth realizes how alone she has felt. So now Beth ambles through the group like an ignored middle child, never knowing whether to join the kid's table or if she's allowed to play with the adults. She glances at Judith. _I'm not so alone_.

Carol walks up behind Beth and Baby Judith.

"Hey pretty girls!" she says.

Thankful for the distraction, Beth turns around and smiles, "Hi Carol." She moves Judith to the middle of the blanket to make room.

"That was nice of Glenn to bring back this blanket back when they went out. It adds a bit of fun to . . . this." Carol motions in the general direction of the prison. Carol sits as Beth looks down at the Woody and Buzz pattern. Buzz, hands on his hips, juts his chest at you with an out-of-this-world confidence while Woody has a goofy grin plastered on his face. Beth knows the stores around this area do not carry Disney paraphernalia. Glenn must have grabbed this blanket from someone's house.

Beth and Carol sit in silence for a while. No one really knows how to make small talk anymore. But something has been bugging Beth. She turns to Carol and says, "So Rick came up to me and asked to hold Judith. That's weird, don't you think?"

Carol turns her head to Beth. Everyone in the camp, with the exception of maybe Carl, knows there's a strong possibility that Carl and Judith are possibly half-siblings. Word had even gotten around to Beth and the Greene's about Lori's infidelity with Shane. No one is particularly surprised Rick has distanced himself from Judith. Carl gave Judith her name. He could have called her "Lori Killer" and Rick would have gone along with it. If Judith made it to a talking age, Beth wondered if she would even refer to Rick as "Dad".

After careful thought, Carol responds, "I wonder if Rick is finally dealing with Lori. And her death, you know?"

Beth picks at some grass as Carol continues, "Did you know that Daryl used to catch Rick talking to someone in the woods? Someone who was not there. He finally figured out Rick was talking to Lori." Beth had not known that. "Daryl says that he doesn't see Rick do that anymore. Maybe he's moving on. Maybe he can see Judith for what she is now."

"That makes sense," Beth says.

Judith interrupts the silence with a gurgly yawn. Carol looks down at the child and rubs her belly. "She's such a good, quiet baby. It's like she already knows what kind of world she was born into." Carol stands to get up. "Do you mind if I put her to bed?"

"Oh, not at all!" It still sometimes surprises Beth when people ask her permission to do anything with Judith.

As Carol cradles Judith, Beth tells Carol, "Hey, I'll be back by dark."

Carol nods and heads back to the prison.

The sun casts long, warm shadows across the field. There's not a walker in sight. The landscape is surprisingly peaceful. Beth lies down on the blanket and closes her eyes. She silently thanks God for this beautiful moment.

Then her mind turns back to the conversation with Carol. Beth thinks about the part of the story purposefully omitted. Rick's affectionate touch was such a fleeting moment, Beth wonders if it even happened.

* * *

"Where is she?!" Maggie cries.

"We'll find her," Rick responds. Maggie stops and looks around. They can hardly see anything, the waning moon stingily holding onto its light.

"BETH!" she yells out again.

Nothing.

Maggie turns to Rick, tears streaming down her eyes. "Do you think . . . ?"

Rick stops her, "Daryl and I both went out today. There wasn't a walker in sight."

"No," Maggie cries. "That's not what I was talking about. Do you think she might have hurt herself?" Maggie stops her words from progressing any further. Would speaking something make it more likely?

Rick had almost forgotten about Beth's suicide attempt at Hershel's farm. Suddenly Rick's mind floods with notions and possibilities. He tries to push them back but once they're there, the thoughts repeat over and over in Rick's mind.

_You killed her_.

Rick puts his hand on Maggie's shoulder and looks into her eyes, "She's fine." Maggie bows her head and weakly nods in agreement. Rick squeezes her shoulder and notions to continue walking with him.

_She killed herself because you scared her_.

"BETH!" Rick yells out.

_You crossed the line, Rick_.

"BETH!" Rick's voice almost cracks this time.

"Wait!" Maggie grabs Rick's arm to stop him. "Shh!"

They hover in silence. Maggie is about to speak, but then they hear a far-off noise.

"Hey!"

"Hey! I'm over here."

Maggie and Rick race off in the direction of the voice. Rick slows down as he finally sees Beth jogging towards them with a blanket and book in hand. Maggie races past Rick and crashes into Beth as she drops the items to catch her sister in a hug.

A painful wave of relief washes over Rick's body, and he falls to his knee and bends over to catch his breath. He finally puts his elbow on his knee and rests his forehead between his thumb and middle finger, strongly rubbing his temples. Maggie is still hugging Beth as Rick stands back up. He interrupts the embrace and points to Beth, "Don't ever do that again."

Rick immediately turns around and heads off to inform Daryl, Glenn, Carl, and the others that Beth is all right.

Beth looks at her sister and throws out her weak defense, "I just dozed off!"

Mouth agape and fighting back tears, the gravity of the situation starts to hit Beth. She feels foolish for putting the group in such a treacherous position. Carl and Hershel are probably out there yelling and drawing attention to themselves to find a napping girl.

Maggie throws her arm around Beth's shoulder, and they walk back to the prison.


End file.
